Illustrating Leadership Lesson: Aligning Your Inner & Outer Life
When I ask guests about the best leader they have ever experienced, many people instinctively think of a boss or manager. Others immediately recall the worst leader they have had.
Brenda’s story reminded me that leadership often shows up in unexpected ways.
She shared the story of someone she met during chiropractic school, a person who would become her closest friend, her partner, her greatest disappointment, and eventually her husband and the father of her children.
It is not a neat or linear story. It is deeply human. And that is exactly what makes it such a powerful illustration of leadership.
Leadership as a Mirror
What stood out most in Brenda’s story was not perfection. It was reflection.
This person did not tell her what to think or who to be. Instead, he asked thoughtful questions. He offered grounding perspective. He reflected her back to herself during moments when she was carrying shame, anger, and confusion from earlier chapters of her life.
That kind of leadership does not direct. It invites.
It helps us understand our patterns, soften our narratives, and decide for ourselves who we want to become.
The Pedestal Problem
As Brenda’s story evolved, so did the dynamic between them.
She spoke openly about what happens when we place someone on a pedestal, when we give another person more wisdom, power, or authority than we give ourselves.
Eventually, that pedestal collapses.
Every leader is human.
Every mentor has blind spots.
Every relationship will disappoint us in some way.
Leadership lessons do not disappear when someone falls. Often, they deepen.
Grounding as a Leadership Skill
One word that surfaced again and again throughout our conversation was grounding.
When we experience hardship, especially early in life, it is easy to live in our heads. We spin stories about who we are, what we deserve, and how the world works.
Grounding leadership brings us back into our bodies, our values, and the present moment.
It does not erase pain or complexity. It gives us something solid to stand on while we navigate it.
The Balance Between Wisdom and Reality
A theme I see often in leadership work, and one we explored deeply in this episode, is the tension between spiritual wisdom and practical reality.
On one end, there is the drive to achieve, perform, and push forward.
On the other, the desire to retreat inward, disconnect, or escape the messiness of the world.
Leadership does not live at either extreme.
It lives in the balance between the two.
Brenda described it beautifully as having one arm reaching toward possibility and desire, while the other remains anchored in safety, embodiment, and grounding. Holding both at once is where sustainable leadership lives.
When the Outer World Reflects the Inner One
One of the most powerful insights from this conversation was the idea that external struggles in business, money, or relationships often reflect internal ones.
When something feels stuck outside of us, there is usually fear, resistance, or an unexamined belief asking for attention inside of us.
Leadership growth begins with curiosity, not judgment.
What is this moment trying to show me?
What expectation am I holding?
Whose voice is shaping how I think things should be?
Letting Go of the Struggle
We also talked about surrender and how misunderstood it often is.
Surrender is not giving up.
It is releasing resistance.
It is allowing yourself to be human without shame.
It is recognizing that leadership, like life, moves in cycles.
Some days you feel grounded and capable.
Other days you feel unsure and messy.
Both belong.
Leadership as an Ongoing Evolution
This episode was a reminder that leadership is not a fixed identity.
It evolves through relationships, ruptures, forgiveness, reflection, and growth.
The leaders who make the greatest impact are not the ones who avoid failure. They are the ones willing to learn from it, integrate it, and keep showing up with humility and intention.
If this conversation resonated with you, I invite you to listen to the full episode and reflect on this question:
Who has been a grounding presence in your leadership journey?
And just as importantly, how are you becoming that presence for yourself?
Make sure you connect with Dr. Brenda on Facebook, Instagram, and her website and grab a copy of her guide "Which Inner Voice is Guiding You: Ego or Soul."
Your host, Jessica Wright, is a Life & Career Development Coach for Leaders and the Founder of Wright Life Coaching, LLC. You can connect with and follow her on LinkedIn.
